Assalaamu’alaikum wr. wb.
“What is your best advice for a new mom?”, few weeks ago someone asked in an NZ facebook mom group where I join. There were lots of answers, such as make frozen food, follow your guts, sleep when the baby sleep, etc. That was actually a good group thread for new mom to be with lots of good answers. I have my own answer too which I didn’t find in all of those replies.
Having a maternity experience in NZ, and knowing it’s an NZ based group, if I could only have one answer for the question, mine would be ‘Tell your midwife everything’. Everything like, everything. What concerns you, what worries you, what makes you sad, what problems you have. Just tell her. Everything.
I had the best midwife I could ask for. And I have high expectation that everything she did, was actually the standard service provided from a midwife in NZ. One thing I learnt was that, by telling your midwife everything, as an expert not only she will listen to you whole-heartedly, but she will also help you solve all your problems. Which sometimes husbands can not provide (the solving part, not the listening). So, any kind of thoughts you had in mind, please let your midwife knows.
Well that was actually my answer, until I had a chat with my mom friend just recently. This friend is actually Naisha’s friend’s mom, who just had her third son about a month ago. We talked at Naisha’s kindy while waiting the time to pick our kids up.
In between the chat she asked me how many hours do I get to sleep everynight. I answered her by explaining that I had a baby cot placed side by side with my bed, and because of that, at night I will still be sleeping while feeding my baby. I actually avoid to say the term ‘co-sleeping’, even it is what I actually do every night, because co-sleeping is actually not allowed here in NZ. But then I added to her, “Well, I know that’s actually not really good, co-sleeping”. To which she surprisingly replied,
“No no no no, WHATEVER WORKS BEST FOR YOU”.
I was actually surprised with her answer. It was actually the best soothing answer a mom friend ever gave to me. Whatever works best to you. At that very moment, I thought, that is actually what should be said to every new mom in the world.
Don’t say breastfeed is the best. Say, whatever works best for you.
Don’t say disposable diapers is not good for newborn (someone said this to me!). Say, whatever works best for you.
Don’t say bottle will confuse babies to do direct-breastfeeding. Say, whatever works best for you.
Don’t say, exclusive pumping is not the same as breastfeeding. Say, whatever works best for you.
Don’t say baby lead weaning will hurt your baby (someone said this to me, too). Say, whatever works best for you.
And so on, so on. I could keep on writing but I’m too lazy.
So for now, I’d say the best advice I could give for a new mom is, that other people can have their opinion about everything. But this is you. And this is your baby. So it all goes back to you.
Whatever you do, choose to do whatever works best for you. And your baby.
I encourage you, mommies who’s reading this, to say the same to your new mom friend. And hopefully, mom war shall be gone someday.
Wassalaamu’alaikum wr. wb.
Keluarga Ghifary 