To my wife sent from and back to heaven


Assalamu’alaikum wr. wb.

Hi, I’m Ghifary, the one whose name is embedded in this blog but never left any single word before here although my late lovely wife, Syva, the main author of this blog always encouraged me to write and share stories from my perspective. But I kept being selfish, stubborned, and reluctant so it never happened… until Syva’s gone for good from this world.

To continue her legacy, I’ll try my best to be the main author of this blog and to post regularly here, with the same spirit as hers: share simple stories while you can. Those could mean a lot for other people although it might seem trivial for you. She always reminded me not to be too overthinking and too focused on “my stuff” — I’m used to writing through or

I’m now in great grief and sorrow since her passing. Perhaps writing here could help me as well as a therapy to go through and live with it.

Since the author changes, the writing style and content are not gonna be the same anymore– heck, my life is not gonna be the same as well. So I’m sorry for readers who still expect Syva’s style.

Let me start my therapy by posting a note that I wrote for her, the shorter version of which I posted in instagram a few days ago:

The following is the original one.

Hey love, I hope that now you are in a peaceful, safe and the best place ever, since Allah is now taking care of you directly.

It’s been only about 8 years and 9 months I spent time with you raising a family with 2 lovely kids, much much shorter than the time since the last time Liverpool FC (a football club that you’re crazy about) won the premier league.

Despite the very short time, it was the most beautiful moment in my life. I still remember vividly the moment when I went to your parent’s house for the first time, when we got married, when I hastily picked you up at Wellington airport to start our new life in NZ and to show you how cool Wellington is, when we wrote some songs together, when we went to our favourite parks and beaches, and many more. Then we came back for good to Indonesia, but it was not in my slightest mind that it’s also the moment you came back for good to The Creator not long after.

To me you’re not only my life partner but also already part of my soul. You’re the most loving, caring, cheerful, and selfless human being that I have ever known, to everyone without exception. I cant imagine how bad I could become as a person without you on my side. You always reminded me not to be selfish and to always share with others whatever advantages or privileges we have, and be grateful.

You had many goals that you wanted to achieve, but they’re always not about you. You wanted to replicate NZ early childhood playcentre concept in Indonesia so that more kids can have playgroup-style education for free. You wanted every stuffs to be eco-friendly to save the earth. You wanted that every new mom after the delivery goes with ease by providing free foods.

One that made me always touched was that you said, “my most important goal is to help you achieve your goals”, which was my fuel to live my life to the fullest. Even when you’re struggling with the little monster in your head, what you cared the most were me and the kids. Look how selfless human being you were.

What does it feel like without you now? I won’t deny that I’m in great grief. Whenever I try to redirect my mind to something else, there’s always you but I can’t reach you. The sweetest memories become the most bitter ones. So many regrets and what-ifs come up. What if we stayed in NZ longer for healthier environment. What if the little monster could be detected and cured earlier. Why I couldn’t be with you and said a proper goodbye and expressed how much I love you during the last minutes of your life.

I’m really sorry if I could not be a good husband for you. Sometime I could not be a good listener when you needed me to talk to. I regret that I did not express my love to you as much as you did to me. I’m so sorry if I did not treat you well.

But we who remain here longer than you must stay strong. We will try to rise up and move forward to get busy living rather than busy dying. Following your life principle, we should be grateful to whatever comfort we have and stay grateful even if it goes away, and believe that there will be better things to come.

You left us with a great legacy. Your life and writings have inspired so many people. You’re so loved such that we don’t stop receiving love and thoughts from everyone before, now, and then. Many people ran for you to finish another 5K running session that you wished to complete last year #5kforsyva.

You should be very proud with yourselves for what you have achieved in your life. I am and will always be a very proud husband of yours. Naisha and Rumi are and will be very proud to ever have a mom like you.

Your spirit will always live in our heart and thoughts. We will try our best to continue your legacy and the good deeds you did, and to complete your unfinished goals.

May Allah grant you jannah.

Innalillahi wa innailaihi rojiun. Rest in peace my angel, Naisha’s and Rumi’s mom sent from heaven

Twindania Namiesyva binti Goenarso (28 July 1987 – 14 January 2020)

Wassalamu’alaikum wr.wb.

6 responses »

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  2. Pingback: My Bell’s Palsy Diary: 2 Weeks In | Keluarga Ghifary

  3. Yang kuat Mas Ghifary. Jujur saya menangis baca ini karena saya memikirkan bagaimana kelak jika saya juga pergi meninggalkan anak saya yang masih kecil. Semoga Allah menempatkan beliau di SurgaNya kelak, berkumpul lagi di Jannah-Nya aamiin…

  4. Yang kuat Mas Ghifary. Jujur saya menangis baca ini karena saya memikirkan bagaimana kelak jika saya juga pergi meninggalkan anak saya yang masih kecil. Semoga Allah menempatkan beliau di SurgaNya kelak, berkumpul lagi di Jannah-Nya aamiin…

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